Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
