dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
