I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
