If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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