dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
