Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
