Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
