So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
