drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I look better un-naked...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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