He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
