Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
