why didn't you poke me back
Porn is love you can see.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
