your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Little spoons don't ask big questions
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
