It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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