I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
