Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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