You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
