What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
