I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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