Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i believe in u and ur pee
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
