I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
