none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
