That's intense
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You made out with two different species that night
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
