I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
