i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
