break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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