yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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