how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I stole a fireplace last night.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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