Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
