We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
