Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just forgot I was standing up.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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