I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
