it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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