What a fucking waste of an outfit
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
