last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
