I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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