There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
