Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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