Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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