Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
