found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
