2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
