maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He did a backflip because drugs
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