This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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