being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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