M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
