Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
