Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
