come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize