But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
