please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just saw a hot homeless man
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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