Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
