apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
