Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Randomize
