Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
