She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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