You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
