Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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