i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
