Acid is not a monday night drug
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She needs sedatives and a leash
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
