Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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