C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He? As in you personified your dick?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
