we made out on top of his cat.
i love accidental penises.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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