He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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