I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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