its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
