A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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