shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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